For my birthday my parents got me a USB rock. My dad made it himself. It’s the greatest thing! I took it to work, connected it to the USB port on the side of my monitor, and let me tell you – it’s causing quite a stir. People stop by my cube and are asking questions about it. Here are some of my stories explaining what the rock does:

• It’s charging.
• It glows in the dark at night. You need to come after hours to see it. I tested it at home.
• It grows hair.
• It’s a new air purifier with natural ions. Just smell the air!
• It releases moisture. It’s a natural humidifier. It creates condensation on the outside via gyroscope in the middle. Then the water evaporates.
• It cools down the air. It’s a small AC unit. I bought it online. The website said it counterbalances the heat released by the PCs. I paid 50 bucks for it.
• It’s part of a USB rock-paper-scissor kit.
• It hums. Seriously, try it. Just put your ear to it.
• It makes ocean wave sounds. Try it.
• It’s for my back pain. Doris got it for me as part of the ergonomnics set. It releases magnetic waves. It really helps!
• It relieves joint pain. Try holding it. The doctor said I should hold it for at least 30 seconds after heavy typing.
• It’s an electronic paper weight. It attracts paper on molecular level.
• It emits magnetic waves that help you relax. It really helps.
• Well, it’s charging now. Once it’s fully charged, it rolls. Oh! Did you see it! Man, you just missed it! It’s really fast!